The Tale of the Sad Miko
by Houkanno Yuuhou
Summary: A girl goes to an old shine at a friend's persuasion, hoping to find love. Instead, she finds a lonely miko, yearning for her lost love. Is she the one from the legend?


The young girl finished running the steps to the shrine and let out a tremendous sigh of relief that her body had held out through the strenuous exercise. Realizing that she was standing on the "ground level" of the shrine, she straightened herself and her clothes and then glanced around. The path to the Goshinboku was strewn with sakura blossoms, and for a moment, she forgot to breathe. It was so beautiful there; the ground looked like it was covered in pale pink snow, and she began to feel the aura of the place. So it was true. Higurashi Shrine was the embodiment of divinity, beauty, mystery, and romance. She could just feel it, the same way a person feels a warm summer breeze at their back.  
  
She shivered. The legend of the shrine was coming back to her now, and so was her purpose for visiting such a holy place…with, keh, the unholiest of intentions, she supposed. However, she had to know the story, had to feel the place out for herself. Mariko had sworn on her life that the shrine would help Rumiko's own failures at love. 'Well, Rumiko,' she sternly told herself, 'time to see if all of the hoopla is real.'  
  
Goshinboku stood out before her suddenly, and she was somewhat surprised to discover that she had been walking that way the whole time while thinking to herself. To her mind, she was still at the top of the shrine steps. It was as if the old tree had drawn her to it somehow….  
  
She stared at the round scar in the tree and watched her fingers gingerly reach out to encompass it. How stupid she felt! That old legend was just that--a legend. No silly story of some lovely miko's romance with a hanyou--albeit a wonderful tale--was going to help her love life. No way at all.  
  
She heard soft laughter behind her, and she darted around to see a young woman in a miko's clothes sweeping the sakura petals from the stone floor. Her heart felt heavy, viewing that simple action. It just didn't seem right to be desecrating the sacred grounds like that; it was like sweeping all the beauty away. "Here for the legend, ne?"  
  
Rumiko blushed and again remembered her reason for climbing the steps. "Iie…I wasn't…." She stopped herself. To her own self, it was painfully obvious why she was there. Did she really expect to fool this woman? With a small smile and chuckle, she shyly admitted, "Hai, I guess I am." The woman continued sweeping, and Rumiko, herself, turned her attention on the tree again. "It's true, isn't it?"  
  
"Nani?"  
  
Rumiko sighed. "The legend of this tree. Of Inu Yasha and Kagome-sama." She felt the scar again. "I…I can feel it. I can feel the whole story of it, just by touching this spot in the tree." She hung her head, suddenly feeling ashamed. "I know it sounds ridiculous. To me, it sounds ridiculous! I mean," she scratched her head, searching for the right words, "I came here, trying to make myself believe this silly romantic tale that my friend told me would help me be successful in finding a man, and I couldn't believe it--didn't believe a word of it." She looked at the old tree again, silently begging it to help her. "I didn't, that is, until I saw it for myself." She laughed nervously. "Does that make any sense?"  
  
The young woman stopped sweeping and nodded thoughtfully. "I understand perfectly." She added with a smile, "Not many can sense the energy surrounding this place. Many would like to believe the legend, but the darkness in their hearts makes it hard for them to grasp all of it, so they turn away and consider it just some leftover vision of hope from childhood. But a few can sense it. Those special people have spiritual powers." She then blushed and covered her mouth, as if suppressing laughter. "And here I sound like I'm a walking brochure for this shrine. Gomennasai."  
  
Rumiko laughed and shrugged it off. "It's okay. I know what you're saying. The aura about this place," she began and then stopped without really knowing why. Everything just felt so confusing. She wasn't sure if she should be joyous or saddened by the emotion pouring from the place. "I feel like I want to cry for someone."  
  
"Hai, that's normal. Goshinboku does bring out that feeling in many." Rumiko watched as the young miko cast her eyes to the ground and heard her sniffing. "Sometimes I look at him, and I feel his pain so much that I can do nothing but cry."  
  
Rumiko looked at the tree again and tried to feel what the miko was feeling. Softly, she said, "You speak like you know this tree."  
  
The miko nodded. "This tree has been in my family for generations. This whole shrine has." She patted the tree affectionately, which made Rumiko giggle childishly and then redden when she realized she was acting so beneath herself. The miko seemed amused, but she went on. "He's watched over our family for many years."  
  
All of the sudden, Rumiko remembered something. "That means your surname is Higurashi, ne?" The miko nodded. Rumiko brightened. "That means that you are related to the girl in the story!" Then like the young girl she was, she nearly knocked the miko over while jumping up and down frantically, wishing to know more about the girl and her lover. "Onegai! Tell me the tale! I want to know all that I can!"  
  
The miko nodded, though somewhat reluctantly. She let the broom drop to the ground and then leaned herself against the old tree, pulling her knees to her chest. "It's long--"  
  
"That's okay," Rumiko shouted quickly. "Just tell me!" The miko cast her eyes toward the ground again and sighed. Rumiko noticed the pain in the woman's eyes and began to wonder if it was a good idea to beg her to continue. "Gomennasai, miko-sama. I didn't mean to bother you with this. If you don't wish to tell, I'll understand and be on my way." Proving a point, she started toward the steps, but before she could get even a few centimeters away, a hand grasped her wrist. "Nani?"  
  
"Stay," the young woman pleaded, and the look in her eyes haunted Rumiko even though she took a seat on the grass beside the miko. "It's not just that." She sighed again. "It's not a very happy tale though it is romantic, as it would seem." Rumiko watched as the woman bit her bottom lip, hesitating as if she were remembering something all at once--something too horrible to remember. "You shall learn a lesson at the end," she whispered and nodded to herself. "I think the gods sent you to me to learn this lesson, so now I have to tell you even if it breaks my old heart to do so."  
  
'Old?' Rumiko wondered silently. The woman could be no more than twenty at the most.  
  
"It began long ago with a girl who was only a few years older than yourself."  
  
"That would be Kagome-sama, ne?"  
  
"Hai. You see, she was just an ordinary girl, too, with a somewhat ordinary family." The woman stopped for a moment, giggling lightly. "Being born into this family, one's life isn't exactly 'everyday life'. You become a part of the shrine, and it becomes you. There are responsibilities--" She cut herself off when she noticed Rumiko's confused stare. "Ah, gomen…none of that is important. As I was saying, she considered her life to be a little crazy at times, but it was as normal as could be expected of a teenaged girl. School, cram school, exams, friends, potential boyfriends…you know." Rumiko snorted her agreement. "That's how she felt too. It all changed on her fifteenth birthday. Her brother's cat disappeared into the small shrine--" The woman indicated where the building was. "--and like a good sister, she went into the scary place and looked for it. Suddenly, she was falling down a well and ended up in a place that was scarier than the building had been. She was surrounded by youkai, and each wanted to claim a special jewel for themselves."  
  
"Oh! The Shikon no Tama!"  
  
The woman nodded. "Her body possessed the jewel and the soul of an old miko who had placed the jewel within herself when she was burned so she could be reincarnated and also so the jewel would be out of the hands of evil. That wasn't to be though." Again she sighed heavily. "In the process of trying to evade evil, she released evil too, though in the end, that which she thought was, wasn't." Then she groaned and almost slapped herself, startling Rumiko. "I know that sounds terrible and so hard to understand."  
  
Rumiko let what she was told thus far digest and then shook her head. "Iie, I think I get it. She released Inu Yasha. That's who you're talking about."  
  
The woman smiled. "You are very bright. Hai, it was Inu Yasha. As I was saying, she released him, and they were forced to work together to get the jewel back. Of course," she muttered irritably, "in the beginning, he just wanted the blasted thing so he could become youkai, and he was pleasantly peeved when the girl shattered the jewel into little shards. So again, they were forced to work together to collect the shards before evil plagued the world as they knew it."  
  
Rumiko listened in awe as the story unfolded. The woman talked about the journeys of the two, and how they collected various members along the way to defeat Naraku and find the shards. How Kagome-sama went back and forth through her time and the Feudal era, trying to maintain her place in school and home-life while trying to complete her responsibilities in the other world. She had laughed at the antics of the corrupted priest and had almost cried for the lonely youkai exterminator who couldn't rest until her brother had been taken care of. The little fox-boy made her coo, and the exploits of Inu Yasha himself made her understand why the miko seemed so angry with him…and yet, at the same time, she swooned. Kouga-kun, who was deeply in love with Kagome-sama, and who also made poor Inu Yasha jealous to no end made her laugh until her stomach recoiled with hurt. The story of the miko, Kikyo, who was brought back to life and continued to live to carry out a vendetta against first, Inu Yasha and then, Kagome-sama; she wasn't sure if she should feel sorrow for the poor miko or if she should hate her just for trying to kill someone she once claimed to have loved. It was all so overwhelming. And Naraku, himself…she was glad that he didn't exist in her time.  
  
"Eventually, the jewel was back in the hands of the girl and the hanyou, and the curses plaguing Sango-chan and Miroku-sama had ceased. Kohaku-kun was finally at peace, Miroku-sama's family was avenged, so he could finally focus on just trying to get a woman instead of having her bare his child." Both chuckled at that. "In the end, those two settled down like a normal couple, and Sango-chan bared him many children."  
  
Rumiko smiled and said a small blessing for the descendants. "I'm glad."   
  
"Hai, and Shippou-chan became a strong kitsune. He even became the Great Youkai to the South when he grew older. He was a fierce yet honest leader."  
  
Rumiko sighed contently and lay on her back, gazing up at the sky that had darkened considerably since they'd started. A few stars peeked from behind the redness of Tokyo's lights…the first stars that she had seen in years. Everything was so peaceful at that moment.  
  
The miko smiled gently and played with a sakura blossom that had fallen into her hand while talking. "That's not the end. The girl and the hanyou didn't just 'get together and live happily ever after', like it's been said."  
  
"Eh? There is more?"  
  
"Of course." The miko rubbed the petals of the blossom between her fingers; first, very carefully, and then she caressed harder. "Love is fragile. Like this blossom, love is the most precious and beautiful gift life has to offer us. When you treat it gently, the petals caress your skin with their silky texture, and like love, you treat it gently, taking each step one at a time. Small steps…because if you press too harshly--if you do too much--you crush it, and it slips through your fingers." As said, the mistreated flower fell to the ground in a crumpled heap. Both looked at it, and then the miko's eyes wandered to the sky. "You see, when the journey ended, Kikyo was again dead, so there was nothing standing in the girl's way, but she still couldn't shake the feeling that the hanyou looked her way only because she harbored the good parts of the soul of Kikyo. She had confessed her undying love for him to everyone…everyone but him." She sniffed a little, and Rumiko supposed she was just the type that got emotional easily, even if her mind was telling her that there was something strange going on. However, she just couldn't put her finger on it. The miko continued; her voice was almost a hush. "The journey had ended, and what else could she do? She couldn't remain in the past because of her duty to her family, but if she left for the last time…to go back home…." The miko paused to wipe tears from her eyes that had begun to form. "It would tear apart her heart. It was already torn. She wanted to tell him that she loved him more than her own self, but there was that doubt in the back of her head; the persistent voice that told her that it wasn't her he wanted. So instead of telling him, she thrust the jewel into his hands, told him to do with it as he wished, and then went back down the well for what she thought would be the last time."  
  
Rumiko released the breath that she wasn't really aware that she was holding in the first place. "What happened? Does this mean that they never shared their love?"  
  
"Well, it was almost that way. One year she waited, thinking he'd never come for her, and just when she'd given up hope, he came to her window, exactly a year after she'd left him. He just dropped to his knees and begged her to come back because he needed her. Then he shouted at her; angry because he thought she knew that, and she did, really. She just needed to be away, to be herself, and she also needed to hear him say it again, to her face."  
  
"Sugoi," was all Rumiko could say. Poor Kagome-sama. If only she'd had enough strength to tell him before. And then she thought about poor Inu Yasha who'd lived a year without the one he loved, and she wondered how he could stand it.  
  
As if reading her thoughts, the miko said, "She used to wonder why he came back. She wondered how much she'd hurt him and how much he cried at night while she was gone. She learned later on that he wasn't in the greatest…." She stopped and wiped more tears. "That's not important yet. Anyway, the girl finally admitted that she loved him, and she also let him in on her secret fear, which he put to rest. The only thing left to talk about was the Shikon no Tama and what to do with it."  
  
"He didn't use it?" Rumiko asked, awestruck.  
  
The miko echoed her. "He didn't use it. The thought about becoming human again crossed his mind, but she loved him the way he was, and in the end, he realized that's why he loved her more than he'd loved Kikyo. Kikyo had been more concerned with him becoming human so they could be together, but the girl didn't care about that, and he'd never known anyone outside of his mother that made him feel like it was okay to be himself. The only setback to remaining hanyou was that he would live longer than the girl. Way longer than her, and he knew he couldn't bare to be without her again."  
  
"So what did they do?"  
  
"It was decided that the girl would use it to live as long as Inu Yasha lived, so they could always be together and never be apart, but…." The woman stopped again, looking somewhat pained as she tried to make the words come from her mouth.  
  
"Miko-sama?" She reached out to help the woman but was waved away.  
  
"It's nothing. What was I saying?" She paused to collect her thoughts. "Ah…hai. The prayer the girl said turned out wrong."  
  
"Nani?"  
  
"Well, she wanted to just live as long as Inu Yasha lived, but instead, she gained immortality."  
  
Something wasn't right, and Rumiko now realized that she wasn't just being silly, but she still couldn't figure out what was bothering her. Instead, she voiced her confusion. "Immortality? How is that terrible? Aren't youkai and hanyou immortal?"  
  
The miko shook her head. "Hanyou can live a long time, indeed, but if something helps them along the way…."  
  
"They die," Rumiko finished for her. And suddenly, she could see things clearly, as if she were looking through water. "Miko-sama…you are that girl, aren't you?"  
  
The miko nodded. "Hai. I am Kagome."  
  
Something else dawned on Rumiko, and she began to panic. "What became of Inu Yasha??"  
  
The miko sighed, and Rumiko noticed how old she really looked just then. "As I stated before, Inu Yasha grieved for me a long time. He wouldn't eat or sleep without me there." The woman began to weep quietly.   
  
Rumiko embraced the woman before her, finally feeling what the poor miko felt. The woman's skin was so cold. "Oh, Kagome-sama."   
  
"When he came to me again, he was close to death. He was worn out from the journeys and warring, but even more so, he was dying without me. He really did need me. So I made that wish so he would never suffer, but he still did. Eventually, he grew very sick, and when he became human again, I knew it was for the last time. He slipped away from me while I was still living back and forth between my time and the Feudal era. I knew I shouldn't have done that, but I didn't know where or when to live." Her sobbing increased. "He died while I was away. In the end, he was alone. I left him so alone!"  
  
Rumiko nodded to herself. Now she understood why she felt the need to go there, even if she felt silly doing so. "Kagome-sama, how many years have you been here at this shrine?"  
  
"Nani?"  
  
"How many years have you been alive?"  
  
The miko sniffed. "Hundreds, I suppose. I lost count. I've lived in the past, I've lived in the present, and I've lived in the future."  
  
Rumiko smiled gently and knew what she needed to do then. "You've never forgiven yourself, have you, Kagome-sama? That's why you can't die, ne?"  
  
The sniffing came to an abrupt halt, and the miko played with another sakura blossom. "Hai. You are a very bright girl, indeed. I can't go on. I will never forgive myself, and what's more," she finished, almost choking on the words, "I don't know if Inu Yasha will ever forgive me."  
  
"But he loves you!"  
  
The miko shook her head. "It matters not that he loves me. What matters is that I have no love for myself." She placed the blossom in Rumiko's hand and closed her fingers over it. "Remember, okosama…never crush the flower because even if its petals are still soft to the touch, it's never the same, and the way you feel about yourself is never the same again." She embraced Rumiko. "You will find love; I can see it as plain as the stars in the sky. Do not look for him because he will come to you. Now you should be off. I have a feeling that you are missed at home."  
  
Rumiko nodded and headed toward the steps with the flower carefully tucked in her fist. Before she proceeded down, she felt a change in the air, and when she looked back to say good-bye, Kagome-sama was gone.   
  
She looked again at the sakura blossom in her hand and back at the shrine. "I'll never forget, Kagome-sama," she said to no one in particular, "but don't you ever forget that he still loves you…and he's waiting."  
  
_________________  
  
  
The miko smiled tenderly and looked up to the sky lit with stars. Suddenly, she felt a breeze at her back, and without turning, she knew whom it was. "I knew you were there. I can always feel your presence, you know."  
  
There was laughter followed by the feeling of someone wrapping ghostly arms around her. "Good. I'd hoped you weren't talking to the damn tree. I thought you'd gone insane."  
  
She sniggered. "Baka, you never stop teasing, do you?" Then she cast her eyes to the ground again, remembering what she'd said earlier. "I never stop talking to you. I miss you, but…."  
  
"Hai?"  
  
She felt his hands go through her hair, and it made her shiver, though she wasn't sure if it was from delight or the hatred she felt for herself still. "How can you forgive me? How can you love me?"  
  
"Because I understand, and I could never hate you," the wind answered lovingly.  
  
"But I hate myself." Tears fell from her cheeks again only to stain the ground below. "I…not yet, Inu Yasha. I can't forgive myself just yet. If you love me, you know that."  
  
She swore she heard the wind howl, and then everything became hushed again. "I know that," it agreed, and then whispered in her ear, "I'm still here, waiting for you. I'll always be waiting. Just remember that." An invisible finger stroked her cheeks. "Ja ne, Kagome-aisai."  
  
And then he was gone as quickly as he'd come.  
  
The miko who looked younger than her years picked up her broom and picked up her sweeping from where she'd left it, then cast the object aside again. She took another long look at Goshinboku and sighed sadly. "I know, Inu Yasha. I know."   
  
Dropping to the ground in tears, the woman cried. For lost family, for lost friends, for lost time, and most of all, for lost love.  
  
________________________________________  
Author's notes: And there is my first Inu Yasha story! Geez, I didn't mean to make it so sad, but this is what poured from my fingers while listening to the Goshinboku melody. Of course, fans will know that the characters belong to Takahashi-sama (well, of course…the girl in the story was named Rumiko for a reason, heh) and Shogakukan. I do hope you enjoyed this little thought that I had, and maybe soon, I'll write a story that goes along with this. But I promise I have happier stories, too!   
If you want to comment or just talk about anime, email me at the address in my profile. If you want to archive (who'd want to archive this??), just tell me! 


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